So my last post was all gloomy and sad, but now I feel completely different. I’m content; I was feeling this way before I was in a relationship and now I’m feeling the same way. I think in e bam of my mind I always knew I enjoyed being single and I had gotten quite used to being single since I had been all my life. I know that God has a man for me and I’m not going to mess His plan up by going for guys that aren’t right for me.
I know valentines day approaching and I was all excited about having a boyfriend, but I’m so happy that I don’t have to deal with that pressure of picking a gift. I’m happy that my heart is open to receive love from Jesus first and not be in a rush to receive love from some guy. I’m content and happy; a happiness I’ve never felt before. Not that “honeymoon” stage but a feeling of being loved unconditionally. This is the greatest feeling ever.
I broke up with my boyfriend last week. My amazingly sweet, caring, silly boyfriend. I thought that by breaking up, I would be a bit happier, brighter even because I was feeling like I was stuck in a rut. I was feeling a little suffocated and I thought that by breaking up, I would finally be able to breathe. But it didn’t. I feel like a horrible person and not happy; I feel like a little piece of my happiness went away.
I want to be with him but my mom was very vocal on her opinions of our relationship and always made little comments about the nice guys she met at the grocery store or while in line. I thought that was rude and very disrespectful, but kept my feelings bottled up. I don’t think we will be getting back together because as much as I want that to happen, I know as long as my parents don’t approve, it won’t last and I think he wants to move on and I don’t blame him.
So I met this guy on Saturday ( lets call him twinsie)and ever since Sunday( when he found me on Facebook ) we’ve been talking non-stop. He is the total opposite of me: outgoing, really smart and mature; we’ve been talking about prom and dating and marriage since we don’t go to the same school. Last night we were on the phone for two hours and I told him that he’s making me go crazy because I’ve never felt like this. So far so good.
As for the long distance guy, I wasn’t feeling all that confident in us anymore. Long distance is always difficult I don’t know why I thought it would be different for us.
I’m sure anyone who’s been in a long distance relationship knows that after a while you lose that spark and things start getting frustrating. I’m a that point right now and I just think taking a break would be bet right now.
So I told the older guy that I like him and he likes me too ! I was pretty surprised that he feels the same way, but we both know we may not ever meet in person…which is pretty sad but we like taking to each other and I think that’s all that really matters. I’m so happy~
So I met 오빠 on owlpost and we’ve been talking since Thursday of last week. I really like him and he’s been helping me learn Korean and plus he’s cute, but there’s a four year age difference and one of my friends keep saying he’s too old for me. I don’t plan on telling him until my birthday so then it won’t be so pedophile-ish for him.
So remember that guy that I wrote about in the December 1st post? Well I’m thinking of asking him to go to prom with me, probably just as friends. If I don’t ask him, I’ll probably go by myself. I know going to the prom by yourself isn’t that bad but I’ve already experienced the not having anyone to slow dance with and just standing there awkwardly.
I might be jumping to conclusions, because it’s not like he jut came out and said he likes me or anything, but he has made it a point to talk to me everyday. I don’t know…
Today my friend Karaiya saw her friend, let’s call him glasses and I mentioned that he was kinda cute. Like a week later, she told him and I was super excited you know because from what she tells me, he’s really sweet. Now I’m not really caring about him because I don’t even see him like at all and since there is a potential interest in my math class, I’ll focus more on him.
So today while my English class was in the library working on our research papers, two of my other classmates that were sitting at the table with me were talking about their boyfriends and how many relationships they’ve had. I told them that I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, none of that and they were all shocked. But they said, “Aw that’ s so cute! That means that when you do get your first boyfriend, it’ll be so sweet.” And yes, it will be super sweet, but as the other classmate commented, “ But when you break up your heart will be so broken.” I know that in order for me to even get a boyfriend I have to break out of my little bubble, but it’s so difficult for me to do that. I’m just a naturally shy person and around guys, it’s like I become mute. I hardly have any guy friends and I feel like I might miss out because I’m so shy and awkward.
On the subject of guys, I think that this guy in my math class likes me or something. I’m saying this because he always makes a point to say hi to me and speak to me. I don’t like him or anything, but he’s nice to talk to even if it is just a hi. He’s the only person in that class that even tried to talk to me and I thought that was nice especially since it was just a group project and we really didn’t have to talk.
I find it a little funny that ‘사랑’ , pronounced sarang,was the first word I learned to write in 한골( Korean script). It means love and honestly I feel that it means more than it’s simple translation. I think that in America it’s thrown around so much with friends and in such a joking manner that when it’s said to a significant other, it falls flat. To me, 사랑 means I can’t breathe without seeing you, I honestly feel more for you than my most prized possession, I’d be willing to protect you from anything and I’m willing to fight for our relationship no matter what anyone else thinks. I think that any other language, ‘I love you’ has such a deeper meaning. I hope one day I can share this love with someone incredibly special.
– Arie Jai